Know thy enemy, Know thyself. Seduction Game and its discontents

I was pleased with the response to yesterday’s post.

Thanks for reading.

My subconscious was obviously quite engaged in the content, too, because it put a bit of a shift in overnight.

Today I am going to discuss the dark and sad side of attraction.

Today I am going to talk about ‘Game’.


Another important disclaimer: This will again be written from a predominantly male perspective. The content thus has a slightly different purpose for men/women, but it is no less valuable to each.


Game – not to be confused with ‘The Game’, the best-selling book centred around this concept – might be understood as “actions taken with the deliberate intent of making yourself more attractive to others”.

Two common types of game include:

Aesthetic game – ‘Peacocking’, or wearing something outlandish to attract attention and display your confidence, is perhaps the most famous tactic within this category. More common however, is ‘improving’ your appearance. Getting a trendy haircut (or a non-trendy one, if that’s your niche. Hipsters, unite). Getting shredded. Buying designer clothes.

Of course, these actions aren’t always done with attraction in mind. Some people do things for themselves. That’s cool. Lots of people don’t. Even those who think they do should deeply examine their motivations. You may discover you are more other-oriented than you are willing to admit. Anyone who says they don’t care what other people think is a liar, insane, or beyond the realm of my experience. Everyone cares. The question is just a matter of degree – some people care more/less than others.

Image result for man surrounded by women in bar

Group theory – If you’re in a social setting and you see a guy in the middle of three beautiful women who appear to be listening to him, what do you think? Compare this to what you might think of a man who is stood behind three women, trying to get their attention. What’s the difference? The first one is – on the face of things – of a higher status than the second. He has the attention of others. He is obviously worth listening to. More importantly, he has the attention of not just one, but three beautiful women, who could be talking to anyone else in the bar. He is obviously confident and interesting. These three women, whoever they are, have just given this man ‘social proof’, that is, every other person in the bar now has a higher opinion of this man, from an attraction standpoint. It doesn’t matter how he got there. It doesn’t even really matter what he said. As long as he leaves before the women get bored, he has just elevated his ‘sexual market value’ (ie, attractiveness) to every other person in the room.

Another common group theory method involves how you treat the ‘target’ and her friendship group. The method would be to introduce yourself to the group and win them over – including the males. In doing this, you have achieved that vital thing once more: social proof. If everyone in the group likes you, you must be worth talking to. You must be worth something. You must be worth mating with.

From there, the story gets a little darker. The popular approach from here would be to show the ‘target’ as little attention as possible, to make her want to win your approval. Since the whole group already approves you, the ‘target’ will naturally want to win your approval in order to maintain her status in the group. Nefarious/basic/unoriginal game-exponents will also resort to ‘negging’ at this point. They will criticise the target in a ‘subtle’ (LOL) way, such as a back-handed complement.

‘Your hair looks great – is it a wig?’

‘I don’t normally like blondes but you might be the exception’

‘Whoa, I haven’t seen shoes like that for years. I do like them though, I really do’

The motivation here is: 1) Lower the self-esteem of your target; 2) Show them that you are ‘strong and powerful’, thus willing to speak your mind, even at the risk of offending.

From here, our young PUA (pick-up artist) will either ‘phase shift’ – a sudden burst of intense attention designed to make the target feel overwhelmed and elated – or attempt to get the target away from the group in order to reduce her security and inhibitions. One famous brand of such tactics was brought into the public eye in 2015 when one of David Cameron’s senior aides, Mark Clarke, was accused of sexually assaulting multiple women whilst executing his ‘Inebriate, isolate and penetrate’ strategy.

I could go on and on about various forms of game, and I am by no means an expert.

Why am I writing about this today?

Two reasons:

  • Know thy enemy: If you know the common themes and tactics, you can avoid falling prey to seduction that is at worst, malevolent, and relatively unconcerned by your wellbeing at best.
  • Know thyself: In the long run, this stuff probably isn’t going to lead to happiness. It won’t help you find a life partner. Ultimately, it will just put more distance between you and the love you seek.

Ok – so point 1) should be mostly taken care of by now, at least in a couple of key game areas.

If you’d like, I will uncover more game strategies in due course.

On to point 2).

Look guys, I get it.

The universe is really unfair sometimes.

Some people are born talented. Or good-looking. Or intelligent. Or whatever.

Some people are naturally extroverted, tactile, and have high emotional intelligence.

In the seduction community, these people are called ‘naturals’, and they will beat the uninitiated to the pull 99 times out of 100.

We all know people like this.

My brother: a natural.

My best friend: a natural.

Russell Brand: a natural. (Click the name. Watch the vid).

These guys can walk into a bar and walk out with a girl within 15 minutes.

They don’t even need to try.

Image result for russell brand with women

Its just what they do.

I am not a natural. I am ‘most people’.

For most people, the study of game comes from a good place: we just want to learn and improve so that we can level the playing field a little. We want to at least be able to talk to a girl so that we can show them all our great, but often subtle or hidden, talents.

It’s hard to argue this is a bad thing. And it works, at first.

The problem is that if you alter yourself too drastically in your pursuit of sexual partners, all your relationships will be built on an unstable foundation. Your partner isn’t with you because of you, they are with you because of the image you’ve perfected and projected. Of course, some really discerning partners might be able to see through all the game and love you for what’s underneath. That’s great. More often, however, you end up repressing elements of yourself to remain ‘attractive’, or the other person gradually turns away as it becomes apparent that you aren’t what you pretended you were.

Real relationships are made up of real people.

People who know themselves.

So finally we reach the point, I suppose.

Study yourself, make peace with who you are.

When you know what you truly value, you’ll find someone who is truly valuable.

Good luck.

P.s. I get that many men who learn game are doing it simply to get laid. Maybe this is just a phase you need to go through. I’m willing to bet the thrill of tricking a woman into bed doesn’t last forever, though.

P.p.s. Deliberately deceiving women in order to sleep with them obviously has severe ethical implications. It is not clear whether all game is ‘deliberate’ deception. Still, listen to a ‘chatting up’ conversation in any pub in the country and you will hear people deceiving each other about their achievements, talents and who they really are. This is a tricky debate and maybe one i’ll discuss in a future post.

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